


A Thorne in their side

by Poompoom



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Julian totally knows, Other, Thomas is out of line and the dudes try n break it to him, cap has a secret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 06:51:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20223616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poompoom/pseuds/Poompoom
Summary: The captain is sick of Thomas constantly going after Alison, a happily married woman. So is Julian. Team up time.





	A Thorne in their side

“Alison, Alison! Why must I always be spurned in this way?”

The Captain watched a hapless Thomas deftly chase Alison down the main corridor. The latter was trying to ignore the former. 

“Mayn’t I read you some poetry I have been mulling over?” 

Sensing the built-up anger growing within Alison, Captain kept an eye on the situation. Knitting his eyebrows together in bemusement, a half-annoyed smirk under his moustache, he walked further out into the landing. Alison was escaping via the grand staircase, but ever pursued by the eager young dandy who happened to be several centuries her senior. 

“It’s really rather good, my love, and this time I can promise you that it is not indeed stolen from miss Kylie Minogue!”

Alison stopped in her tracks suddenly, causing Thomas to screech to a halt and flinch out of the potential collision. The fact that a ghost was unable to physically crash into a living person did not pass his mind, the endless burden of an undead eternity having been forgotten for a mere few seconds. 

“Oh my god, Thomas. Please, for the love of God, shut it.” 

Alison turned into a room and slammed the door. She seemed more irked than genuinely angry, as if she was used to it. 

Thomas had seemingly forgotten that he could pass through walls and could berate poor Alison for a while more. He let out a dramatic wail and sloped off, muttering loudly. 

“Oh WOE is ME!”

Had ghosts actually pertained to the stereotypes that were told through hushed voices at lamp-lit midnight feasts in school dorms, the Captain was sure Thomas would be a wailing ghoul that shattered window pains with his screamed sorrows. Except, in this case, his sorrows were projected on the unfortunate woman that was both the apple of his eye and the only living one able to see him. 

Cap noticed that Julian had poked his head through the wall opposite and was watching the whole commotion. He made eye contact with Cap, rolled his eyes, then made a politician-y noise, a cross between a tut and smacking one’s lips together. 

Julian, although technically a poltergeist, was, in the Captain’s head, a Dickensian Jacob Marley, although he clearly did not feel the weight of his chains burdening him for eternity. There the man was, practically frolicking towards him. 

“That was a bit embarrassing to watch, wasn’t it?” Julian said with a squint. 

“Indeed it was, but so was your death.”

“Alright, alright.” Julian playfully clipped the Captain around the ears, but it felt more like an accidental slap across the face. Julian was in no way gentle. His final few minutes had been evidence of that.

“It has to be said, though,” The Captain began, “At least that woman was into what you were-“

“Yes, yes - A lot of women were into what I did to them. I made sure of that.” 

Julian adjusted his tie self-assuredly, then gave the Captain the side eye.

“Surely that’s what you did, too?”

The captain coughed nervously. 

“Oh. Yes. Definitely. Nothing more attractive than a woman who likes you back, eh?”

His smile quivered. Julian continued his side eye for a little while longer, enough time for the Captain to become marginally uncomfortable, and then carried on the conversation.

“I reckon we should have a word with mister Blue-Balls downstairs?”

“Yes- good idea! Terrific, even.” 

Wanting to move away from the scarily awkward exchange, the Captain practically galloped down the stairs like some eager child leading an imaginary cavalry. Thomas had mentioned that he had grown up at Button House. Had he once pranced precociously down these stairs as a boy, or perhaps slid rebelliously down the bannister, not even beginning to fathom that his soul would one day be trapped there?

The two found Thomas sulking in his ‘sighing place’, a nook he frequented when he wanted to lament. The Captain began with a nod from his companion. 

“Mister Thorne, this is an intervention. We consider Alison a good woman and we would rather like it if you didn’t disrupt her day with your unwanted wailing.”

Thomas had a look of astonishment on his face, as if his behaviour being unwelcome had never crossed his mind. 

“What we’re saying is is that it’s a bit much, mate.” Julian opened his arms and began gesturing wildly, his posture contrasting that of the Captain, who said most things with his hands firmly at his sides. ”Alison doesn’t want you. She’s married.”

“That didn’t stop you, you bothersome incubus!” cried Thomas, still shocked at the confrontation. 

“Ah, but you don’t know the context- my wife was, well, she got up to more than I did and it was a mutually agreed but never discussed situation! I took a decision to-“

“What Julian is trying to say is that what you are doing won’t work with Alison, because she’s happy with Michael.” 

“So I’m not allowed to express my love for her at all? I must be eternally damned!” Thomas crossed his arms in a huff, the sleeves of his shirt billowing outwards.

“T-th-t -God, Thomas, no. Don’t try and spin it that way. If you’ll let us bloody finish.” Julian replied, quite irritated. “You’re allowed to have feelings for her, but you have to know where to set a boundary that makes her comfortable.”

The Captain took over. “What’s the point in admiring someone if they won’t even respect you because of your actions?” 

He swallowed a little bit of fear before continuing. “You know, when I found out I had feelings for someone who clearly was not available to me, I did not broadcast it to the world.”

It had happened many times in life, and in death (in life he never mentioned those he had fallen for because it would _mean_ death). The camaraderie of the trenches in the Great War was often soured for the Captain, at that time an inexperienced Officer, because of the invisible sweethearts of those who had caught his eye. At the time he did not even know why he was jealous of these girls, who only made appearances in photos or the occasional letter from back home in Blighty, but when he came to the terrifying conclusion of his own identity, he realised why. How dare the man whose gaze lingered to long, allowing the Officer to imagine sweet nothings long into the dawn, have a sweetheart? 

Decades of death and humanity’s inability to see him had matured him, and when he felt the familiar pang after Michael stepped out of the car, the Captain knew that this man would never feel he same way. He definitely would never broadcast it to the world as Thomas would, even in one that accepted him unconditionally (though that surely would never happen) because Michael was married, and happily so. The two others needn’t know the identity of the person in his anecdote. Michael really did make his stomach twist in all sorts of directions. Perhaps it was his bright eyed and bushy tailed outlook on life, or the way he looked when he walked, or the muscles in his arms when he hammered a nail into a wall-

“Wow, you actually revealing something about yourself to us? Interesting.” Julian joked. “Who is this mystery person?”

“H- SHE’s not someone you would know. You wouldn’t know HER. Decades ago, now, yes. Ha.”

“I’ve got it!” cried Thomas, self absorbed. “If I give Alison space and treat her normally, she may fall for me yet! I will win her over!”

He rushed out of sight through several walls before Julian tried to pursue.

“That’s not our point, you stupid bastard!” 

He looked at the wall that Thomas had disappeared into with disdain, then seemingly decided against following him. 

Cap leaned against the window ledge, looking out into the gardens of Button House. A thin mist hung about in the early morning gloom. Julian sidled up towards him with his odd smirk. 

“‘Feelings for someone not available to you’. Pfft. ‘I wouldn’t know her’. Her? Come on, Captain.” 

The Captain’s heart began thumping, but not to the beat of some jaunty marching tune. It was the thump that sent shockwaves through him when a superior began asking questions about his personal life. It was the angry Private that stared him down and made scarily true assumptions. 

“I- I don’t know what you mean.”

“Captain. I’m not unobservant. Got a bloody first from Cambridge.”

“Christ, it’s as if you never mention it!” Captain joked nervously under his breath. 

“‘He’d ake a very fine soldier’, you said. Don’t think I didn’t catch on or forget. I know who you have a thing for. And I’m fine with it.” 

Julian clapped him on the shoulder twice, coinciding with his thudding heartbeats. He was dead; why was his heart going quite insane?”

“Your secret is safe with me. And at least you don’t behave around him the same way Thomas does with Alison.”

Julian turned his back and began striding out of the room. 

“Wait!” the Captain hissed. 

Julian stopped. 

“You don’t know anything about me. I’m not a homosexual.”

“Okay, and I’m wearing a lovely pair of trousers.”


End file.
